Dear Lindsey,
I am 19 am about to start my Sophomore year of college. I met "Joe" at the beginning of Freshman year and we totally hit it off as friends. I quickly started to have more than friends feelings for Joe, but didn't want to ruin our friendship so I said nothing. Last semester we had a two classes together and spent a lot of time studying and hanging out. Somehow Joe found out I wanted to be more than friends towards the end of the semester. He confronted me about it and said he really enjoys spending time with me, but isn't physically attracted to me. He told me I am a beautiful girl who is really nice and fun, but he prefers the more "petite" type. So basically he told me I'm fat, but in a nice way. At that time I was 145 pounds at 5'1". I wouldn't call that huge, but definitely not skinny.
This past summer I've really put effort into losing weight. I'm about to start school weighing in at 115 pounds. My problem is that I still really like Joe, but I'm afraid that maybe the weight loss isn't enough or I won't be able to keep it up. I've spent most of my time this summer in the gym working out and focusing on what I eat. When I get back to school I will have a lot less time to keep myself looking good. If dating Joe is conditional on my appearance, I'm worried I might not be able to keep the weight off and still keep up with school. Anything tips on how I can manage both?
- Formerly Thick
Dear Formerly Thick,
Congratulations on your weight loss. That is such a big accomplishment. It saddens me that you felt you needed to lose weight for a man and not for yourself. Weight loss should be about getting healthy to lead a more healthy lifestyle, not about snagging a man. I know you like Joe, but he sounds like kind of a douche bag. If a guy really likes you, he won't care how much you weigh.
As for managing Joe and your weight, you don't even know if Joe wants to date you yet. It could be that there's something else he doesn't like about you and he was using weight as an excuse. If he does want to date you now that you're skinny, his love is obviously conditional. You're going to have a hard time living up to Joe's standards and it will end up being a bad situation in the long run.
Here's what I would do if I were you. Go back to college with your hot self and flaunt the hell out of it. Go to every class wearing something that shows off your new phenomenal body and you'll have so many more guys to pick from than loser Joe. Focus on yourself and keeping yourself healthy instead of snagging a man.
Once you know you can manage your weight without having to work so hard at it, then look towards adding a love life into the mix. Good luck!
Lots of love,
Lindsey
Tough Love Advice
A place to ask questions about love and life where you know you'll get the brutal truth.
Please send your questions to lindsey.snopek@gmail.com. I will select questions at random to answer Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I will also post tips and reviews on things I think are important, so check back frequently.
I'm Back......
I'M BACK PEOPLE!!! Sorry for the hiatus. We had a lot going on the past few weeks and I just couldn't fit blogging into the schedule. Now that things have calmed down a bit I would like to continue to entertain the masses with my not-so-subtle opinions.
Instead of answering a question today, I would like to discuss something that has come up a lot lately. My son is almost 9 months, and we've started getting the question, "When do you plan on trying for your second baby?" This got me thinking about all of the moments in life when you get the same question asked of you over and over and just don't have a good response. I'd like to discuss some of those repeatedly asked questions and give some examples of some witty responses that will hopefully deter people from asking the question again.
1. Junior to Senior year of high school/college - "What are your plans for after graduation?"
For those of you attending college - "I plan on going to (fill in school name here) where I will work on my drinking skills, max out several different credit cards, and gain 20 pounds. Thanks for asking."
For those of you working - "I got a job at (fill in employer here). It's an entry level position, but I know I can sleep my way to the top in no time. Thanks for asking."
For those who have no idea - "I plan on playing the lottery daily until I hit a jackpot large enough to do nothing all day but cruise around on my yacht and smoke weed. Thanks for asking."
2. After you've been dating someone for a significant amount of time - "When are you two going to get
married?"
"As soon as they catch my boyfriend/girlfriend's ex. He/She's bat shit crazy and has sent death threats to me warning us not to get married. The police are on the hunt, but he/she's a sly fox!"
"As soon as they legalize gay marriage. If they can't be miserable like the rest of us, then what's the point?"
"I'm not sure. As it turns out we may possibly be related, so we're looking into that. Thanks for asking."
"We're already married, but we haven't told anyone. We're swearing you to secrecy so please don't spill the beans"
3. After you're married - "When do you think you'll have a baby?"
"I guess about 9 months after I get pregnant, duh!"
"We're not sure we want to bring a baby into a world where Kenny G is still making records."
"What do you mean? We already have a baby. It has four legs and is named Spot. He's such a good dog."
"As soon as a sperm fertilizes an egg. Damn sperm, just need to swim a little faster! Thanks for asking."
4. After you've separated from your spouse - "Do you think you're headed for divorce?"
"I was actually just headed to the grocery store, but thanks for asking."
"I hope so. Then I can legally sleep with a different person every night." Thanks for asking."
"Heck no. I doing the rest of the world a favor by keeping my spouse legally off the market."
"I don't like to use the term divorce. I'd rather say, let loose from the shackles of marriage."
5. On your 50th wedding anniversary - "What is your secret to a happy marriage?"
"Who says we're happy?"
"Lots of KY Jelly and removable teeth!
"We swung a lot with other couples back in the day."
"Learn how to tune out your spouse and then just nod and smile."
"We were never legally married so we knew we could walk away at any time. It takes the pressure off."
"Strippers and booze my friend, strippers and booze!"
I hope some of these smart ass answers come in handy to you some day. Good luck.
Lots of love,
Lindsey
Instead of answering a question today, I would like to discuss something that has come up a lot lately. My son is almost 9 months, and we've started getting the question, "When do you plan on trying for your second baby?" This got me thinking about all of the moments in life when you get the same question asked of you over and over and just don't have a good response. I'd like to discuss some of those repeatedly asked questions and give some examples of some witty responses that will hopefully deter people from asking the question again.
1. Junior to Senior year of high school/college - "What are your plans for after graduation?"
For those of you attending college - "I plan on going to (fill in school name here) where I will work on my drinking skills, max out several different credit cards, and gain 20 pounds. Thanks for asking."
For those of you working - "I got a job at (fill in employer here). It's an entry level position, but I know I can sleep my way to the top in no time. Thanks for asking."
For those who have no idea - "I plan on playing the lottery daily until I hit a jackpot large enough to do nothing all day but cruise around on my yacht and smoke weed. Thanks for asking."
2. After you've been dating someone for a significant amount of time - "When are you two going to get
married?"
"As soon as they catch my boyfriend/girlfriend's ex. He/She's bat shit crazy and has sent death threats to me warning us not to get married. The police are on the hunt, but he/she's a sly fox!"
"As soon as they legalize gay marriage. If they can't be miserable like the rest of us, then what's the point?"
"I'm not sure. As it turns out we may possibly be related, so we're looking into that. Thanks for asking."
"We're already married, but we haven't told anyone. We're swearing you to secrecy so please don't spill the beans"
3. After you're married - "When do you think you'll have a baby?"
"I guess about 9 months after I get pregnant, duh!"
"We're not sure we want to bring a baby into a world where Kenny G is still making records."
"What do you mean? We already have a baby. It has four legs and is named Spot. He's such a good dog."
"As soon as a sperm fertilizes an egg. Damn sperm, just need to swim a little faster! Thanks for asking."
4. After you've separated from your spouse - "Do you think you're headed for divorce?"
"I was actually just headed to the grocery store, but thanks for asking."
"I hope so. Then I can legally sleep with a different person every night." Thanks for asking."
"Heck no. I doing the rest of the world a favor by keeping my spouse legally off the market."
"I don't like to use the term divorce. I'd rather say, let loose from the shackles of marriage."
5. On your 50th wedding anniversary - "What is your secret to a happy marriage?"
"Who says we're happy?"
"Lots of KY Jelly and removable teeth!
"We swung a lot with other couples back in the day."
"Learn how to tune out your spouse and then just nod and smile."
"We were never legally married so we knew we could walk away at any time. It takes the pressure off."
"Strippers and booze my friend, strippers and booze!"
I hope some of these smart ass answers come in handy to you some day. Good luck.
Lots of love,
Lindsey
Question from GivingToo Much
Dear Lindsey,
I am having trouble saying no to my younger sister. She frequently "borrows" money, clothes, shoes, and other household items. I use the term "borrows" loosely because that term usually indicates that the person pays you back or returns the items. I rarely see any money paid back. She conveniently forgets to return the borrowed items to me. I'll actually have to go over to her apartment and take them back myself if I really want to see them ever again. I know it's wrong of me to keep lending her money or things, but she's younger than me, is just starting out a career, and really has no one else to turn to. I know that once she becomes more successful in her field she'll be able to provide for herself. Our parents passed when we were both young and I've basically been a parent figure to her our whole lives. I feel obligated to take care of her, but at the same time I feel I'm just feeding into her neediness. My husband is starting to get fed up with me constantly giving in to her and recently told me if I don't say something he will, and it won't be nice. I really don't want a family feud on top of everything else. What should I do?
- Giving Too Much
Dear Giving Too Much,
I actually feel bad for your sister because it sounds like she hasn't been taught the proper life skills to take care of herself. I usually only save my pity for abused or starving children or animals, but I've been hearing a lot about improperly raised adults lately so I think I may add them to the list. It seems as though there is a obscene number of adults who were never taught how to properly take care of themselves.
First, you need to sit down with your sister and let her know you don't appreciate being taken advantage of. She's an adult and needs to start acting like one. I understand people fall on hard times once in a while, but it sounds like she's not even trying to be independent.
Second, when she comes to you for things tell her NO. It's not that hard. It's two letters; N and O. Just do it. It sounds like she's never heard that word from you in her life. You're just enabling her bad behavior by giving her things every time she asks. I mean, if she's about to be evicted and homeless, then that may be an exception. You most definitely don't want her living with you; she'll never leave.
Finally, teach her some life skills. Show her how to balance a check book, set a budget, and manage money. She's obviously lacking in that department and needs help. Maybe your husband can help out and add some positivity to the situation instead of wanting to yell at her.
In the long run, she'll become a better adjusted adult if she learns how to be independent. She'll also have more self worth knowing she can live life on her own with out having to constantly run to her big sister for help. If that all fails, then you better pray she finds a rich husband quick! You could tell her to hang out at a medical college perhaps.
Lots of love,
Lindsey
I am having trouble saying no to my younger sister. She frequently "borrows" money, clothes, shoes, and other household items. I use the term "borrows" loosely because that term usually indicates that the person pays you back or returns the items. I rarely see any money paid back. She conveniently forgets to return the borrowed items to me. I'll actually have to go over to her apartment and take them back myself if I really want to see them ever again. I know it's wrong of me to keep lending her money or things, but she's younger than me, is just starting out a career, and really has no one else to turn to. I know that once she becomes more successful in her field she'll be able to provide for herself. Our parents passed when we were both young and I've basically been a parent figure to her our whole lives. I feel obligated to take care of her, but at the same time I feel I'm just feeding into her neediness. My husband is starting to get fed up with me constantly giving in to her and recently told me if I don't say something he will, and it won't be nice. I really don't want a family feud on top of everything else. What should I do?
- Giving Too Much
Dear Giving Too Much,
I actually feel bad for your sister because it sounds like she hasn't been taught the proper life skills to take care of herself. I usually only save my pity for abused or starving children or animals, but I've been hearing a lot about improperly raised adults lately so I think I may add them to the list. It seems as though there is a obscene number of adults who were never taught how to properly take care of themselves.
First, you need to sit down with your sister and let her know you don't appreciate being taken advantage of. She's an adult and needs to start acting like one. I understand people fall on hard times once in a while, but it sounds like she's not even trying to be independent.
Second, when she comes to you for things tell her NO. It's not that hard. It's two letters; N and O. Just do it. It sounds like she's never heard that word from you in her life. You're just enabling her bad behavior by giving her things every time she asks. I mean, if she's about to be evicted and homeless, then that may be an exception. You most definitely don't want her living with you; she'll never leave.
Finally, teach her some life skills. Show her how to balance a check book, set a budget, and manage money. She's obviously lacking in that department and needs help. Maybe your husband can help out and add some positivity to the situation instead of wanting to yell at her.
In the long run, she'll become a better adjusted adult if she learns how to be independent. She'll also have more self worth knowing she can live life on her own with out having to constantly run to her big sister for help. If that all fails, then you better pray she finds a rich husband quick! You could tell her to hang out at a medical college perhaps.
Lots of love,
Lindsey
Question from Unsettled
Dear Lindsey,
I am a 36 year old, divorcee with three children ages, 14, 12, and 9. I've been dating my boyfriend, "Harry" for a year and a half now. I truly think he is my soul mate, if that exists. He's everything I've been looking for and never found with my ex-husband. Harry is 3, has never been married, and has no children. He's expressed to me in passing that although he loves my children, he'd like to have at least one of his own some day. I'm not sure I want to have any more children. I've loved raising the three I have and enjoy getting to bond with them doing things children their ages enjoy. The idea of sleepless nights, poopy diapers, and breast feeding frankly make me somewhat nauseous to think about. I love Harry and want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I don't know if I'm willing to give him a child just to keep him in my life. I also don't think it's very fair of me to ask him to spend the rest of his life with a woman who isn't willing to give him what he wants. What do I do?
Sincerely,
Unsettled
Dear Unsettled,
You are in quite the pickle! I'm not going to lie, I'm not sure if I have a good answer for you. It sounds like you and Harry have never really sat down and discussed the baby issue. Your best bet is to sit down with him and have a heart-to-heart discussion about what you both really want and try to come to some compromise. It may be that he just mentioned it to see what your reaction would be. It's possible he would like to have kids, but he's willing to pass on the opportunity just to be with you. On the other hand, it may be a deal breaker for him. You won't know until you two hash out the situation.
You also need to do some soul searching of your own. Would having another child really be the worse thing in the world, especially if the baby was part you and part of your "soul mate"? If you really love this man and want to spend the rest of your life with him, you may want to reconsider your stance on having a baby. The thought of sleepless nights and poopy diapers may be nauseating now, but that phase doesn't last that long in the grand scheme of things. What you're left with is a beautiful child that has come from both of you.
If you decide you absolutely are done having children, then you need to make that clear to Harry and let him decide whether he wants to be with you or not. Please, please, please do not have a baby just to keep your man. That is something immature girls do, not grown women. I'm not sure of your mental status (hopefully it's a positive one), but you never know when feelings of resentment and regret may creep into your head after the baby is here. This could cause friction between you and Harry in the long run, which could lead to your second divorce. This also leaves you with a child you didn't want in the first place.
Follow your head on this one, because your heart is going to lead to irrational decisions! Good luck!
Lots of love,
Lindsey
I am a 36 year old, divorcee with three children ages, 14, 12, and 9. I've been dating my boyfriend, "Harry" for a year and a half now. I truly think he is my soul mate, if that exists. He's everything I've been looking for and never found with my ex-husband. Harry is 3, has never been married, and has no children. He's expressed to me in passing that although he loves my children, he'd like to have at least one of his own some day. I'm not sure I want to have any more children. I've loved raising the three I have and enjoy getting to bond with them doing things children their ages enjoy. The idea of sleepless nights, poopy diapers, and breast feeding frankly make me somewhat nauseous to think about. I love Harry and want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I don't know if I'm willing to give him a child just to keep him in my life. I also don't think it's very fair of me to ask him to spend the rest of his life with a woman who isn't willing to give him what he wants. What do I do?
Sincerely,
Unsettled
Dear Unsettled,
You are in quite the pickle! I'm not going to lie, I'm not sure if I have a good answer for you. It sounds like you and Harry have never really sat down and discussed the baby issue. Your best bet is to sit down with him and have a heart-to-heart discussion about what you both really want and try to come to some compromise. It may be that he just mentioned it to see what your reaction would be. It's possible he would like to have kids, but he's willing to pass on the opportunity just to be with you. On the other hand, it may be a deal breaker for him. You won't know until you two hash out the situation.
You also need to do some soul searching of your own. Would having another child really be the worse thing in the world, especially if the baby was part you and part of your "soul mate"? If you really love this man and want to spend the rest of your life with him, you may want to reconsider your stance on having a baby. The thought of sleepless nights and poopy diapers may be nauseating now, but that phase doesn't last that long in the grand scheme of things. What you're left with is a beautiful child that has come from both of you.
If you decide you absolutely are done having children, then you need to make that clear to Harry and let him decide whether he wants to be with you or not. Please, please, please do not have a baby just to keep your man. That is something immature girls do, not grown women. I'm not sure of your mental status (hopefully it's a positive one), but you never know when feelings of resentment and regret may creep into your head after the baby is here. This could cause friction between you and Harry in the long run, which could lead to your second divorce. This also leaves you with a child you didn't want in the first place.
Follow your head on this one, because your heart is going to lead to irrational decisions! Good luck!
Lots of love,
Lindsey
Question from Stuck in the Middle
Sorry to all of my readers for the break in posts. I was on vacation in the lovely state of Wisconsin, but have returned to tell it like it is. Thanks for reading!
Dear Lindsey,
I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and about 3 months ago I cheated on him with a co-worker while I was drunk at a work party. It was a stupid decision that I deeply regret. I haven't told my boyfriend yet because I just can't come up with the right words to express how stupid I am and how much I love him. The worst part is that I recently found out I'm pregnant and the conception date would be right about the time I cheated. With a baby now in the mix, I'm debating whether I should even tell my boyfriend or not and just let him think the baby is his. If I did that, my child would grow up with a loving father, but if I told him the truth I risk losing him and having no father for my baby. I'm absolutely stuck as to what I should do. Please help.
Dear Stuck in the Middle,
Next time you decide to get drunk at a party, please keep your legs closed. This is one of the most careless acts I've ever heard of. I can't believe you pulled a "Maury Povich" and have no idea who your baby's daddy is.
You absolutely have to tell both men. You made the stupid decision to cheat on your boyfriend, and now you must live with the consequences. It's not fair to anyone to assume the baby is your boyfriend's and go on living your lives as normal. What happens if God forbid something happens to your child and it's exposed that he has neither of your blood types, but in fact has the blood type of your co-worker. It's a long-shot scenario, but if something like that happens you are going to make your life much worse. The truth always ends up coming out somehow, and it's always better to just fess up instead of lying.
Tell both men right away so you know where you stand with each of them. If your boyfriend cans your ass, then too bad, you deserve it. Your co-worker also needs to know that he could potentially be a daddy because that is a life-long commitment that he needs to prepare himself for.
I would get the baby tested as soon as it's safe so these two poor saps aren't left in the lurch. If both men abandon you then you need to start figuring out what you're going to do to support both you and your child. Please don't screw up your kid's life any more than it already is just because you couldn't keep your panties on!
Lots of Love,
Lindsey
Dear Lindsey,
I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and about 3 months ago I cheated on him with a co-worker while I was drunk at a work party. It was a stupid decision that I deeply regret. I haven't told my boyfriend yet because I just can't come up with the right words to express how stupid I am and how much I love him. The worst part is that I recently found out I'm pregnant and the conception date would be right about the time I cheated. With a baby now in the mix, I'm debating whether I should even tell my boyfriend or not and just let him think the baby is his. If I did that, my child would grow up with a loving father, but if I told him the truth I risk losing him and having no father for my baby. I'm absolutely stuck as to what I should do. Please help.
Dear Stuck in the Middle,
Next time you decide to get drunk at a party, please keep your legs closed. This is one of the most careless acts I've ever heard of. I can't believe you pulled a "Maury Povich" and have no idea who your baby's daddy is.
You absolutely have to tell both men. You made the stupid decision to cheat on your boyfriend, and now you must live with the consequences. It's not fair to anyone to assume the baby is your boyfriend's and go on living your lives as normal. What happens if God forbid something happens to your child and it's exposed that he has neither of your blood types, but in fact has the blood type of your co-worker. It's a long-shot scenario, but if something like that happens you are going to make your life much worse. The truth always ends up coming out somehow, and it's always better to just fess up instead of lying.
Tell both men right away so you know where you stand with each of them. If your boyfriend cans your ass, then too bad, you deserve it. Your co-worker also needs to know that he could potentially be a daddy because that is a life-long commitment that he needs to prepare himself for.
I would get the baby tested as soon as it's safe so these two poor saps aren't left in the lurch. If both men abandon you then you need to start figuring out what you're going to do to support both you and your child. Please don't screw up your kid's life any more than it already is just because you couldn't keep your panties on!
Lots of Love,
Lindsey
Question from Disappointed in Colorado
Dear Lindsey,
My brother, sister-in-law, and their two children recently visited from out of state. They stayed with my husband and I for 10 days and during that time, their 8 year old daughter, "Sally" was always "borrowing" things without permission. It was made clear to both of the children that our bedroom and bathroom were off limits. One day I found her in my bathroom playing with my designer make-up which she pretty much ruined. She also took clothes out of my closet, went through my jewelry box, and even took money out of a savings jar I had stored in our closet. When Sally got caught taking each of these things, her mother made her give them back, told her not to do it again, and did nothing more to punish her. I tried to talk to my brother about this behavior and he just waffled and told me that his wife does the discipline. I can't believe they let Sally get away with this type of behavior and do nothing about it. I'm afraid she's going to grow up to be a kleptomaniac or partake in other worse behavior as she gets older. How can I get through to my brother and sister-in-law that their lack of discipline is unacceptable?
-Disappointed in Colorado
Dear Disappointed in Colorado,
It sounds like your brother and sister-in-law need a wake up call! This isn't the first time I've heard this type of scenario, and I don't understand why some parents are so lazy in the discipline area. Children need boundaries and consequences to their actions. Some parents want to be their childrens' friend and be a cool parent. Well, kids are going to have enough friends their own age. They don't need more friends, they need parents!
It isn't fair to you when your niece steals and destroys your things. You are trying to do your family a favor by letting them stay with you while you visit and this type of behavior should be unacceptable to Sally's parents. If they are unwilling to take action when Sally is acting up, then you have the right to discipline her yourself while she's under your roof. If her parents don't like it, then you can ask them to stay in a hotel during their visits.
Maybe during their next visit or over the phone you can have a heart to heart discussion with Sally about why she is being such a brat and pulling a Winona Ryder in your house. It may be an extension of something that is going on at home or school that your brother or sister-in-law hasn't told you about. Many times when children act out it's because there's a bigger issue going on.
Sally is not your kid so ultimately you can not make parenting decisions. All you can do is tell Sally's parents how you feel and hope they do something about it. For future visits, tell them they can either keep their kid in check, stay in a hotel, or don't visit at all. Maybe that will be enough to make them realize Sally's behavior is inappropriate and unwelcoming.
Lots of Love,
Lindsey
My brother, sister-in-law, and their two children recently visited from out of state. They stayed with my husband and I for 10 days and during that time, their 8 year old daughter, "Sally" was always "borrowing" things without permission. It was made clear to both of the children that our bedroom and bathroom were off limits. One day I found her in my bathroom playing with my designer make-up which she pretty much ruined. She also took clothes out of my closet, went through my jewelry box, and even took money out of a savings jar I had stored in our closet. When Sally got caught taking each of these things, her mother made her give them back, told her not to do it again, and did nothing more to punish her. I tried to talk to my brother about this behavior and he just waffled and told me that his wife does the discipline. I can't believe they let Sally get away with this type of behavior and do nothing about it. I'm afraid she's going to grow up to be a kleptomaniac or partake in other worse behavior as she gets older. How can I get through to my brother and sister-in-law that their lack of discipline is unacceptable?
-Disappointed in Colorado
Dear Disappointed in Colorado,
It sounds like your brother and sister-in-law need a wake up call! This isn't the first time I've heard this type of scenario, and I don't understand why some parents are so lazy in the discipline area. Children need boundaries and consequences to their actions. Some parents want to be their childrens' friend and be a cool parent. Well, kids are going to have enough friends their own age. They don't need more friends, they need parents!
It isn't fair to you when your niece steals and destroys your things. You are trying to do your family a favor by letting them stay with you while you visit and this type of behavior should be unacceptable to Sally's parents. If they are unwilling to take action when Sally is acting up, then you have the right to discipline her yourself while she's under your roof. If her parents don't like it, then you can ask them to stay in a hotel during their visits.
Maybe during their next visit or over the phone you can have a heart to heart discussion with Sally about why she is being such a brat and pulling a Winona Ryder in your house. It may be an extension of something that is going on at home or school that your brother or sister-in-law hasn't told you about. Many times when children act out it's because there's a bigger issue going on.
Sally is not your kid so ultimately you can not make parenting decisions. All you can do is tell Sally's parents how you feel and hope they do something about it. For future visits, tell them they can either keep their kid in check, stay in a hotel, or don't visit at all. Maybe that will be enough to make them realize Sally's behavior is inappropriate and unwelcoming.
Lots of Love,
Lindsey
Question from Perturbed Parent
Dear Lindsey
I took all 4 of my kids (yes all 4) to a graduation. I brought books, treats, you name it I brought it...so my kids sat and played with their stuff and not one word was made the whole time. But across the way a woman had with her 1 child that screamed and cried the whole 2 hours. After the 2 hours were up this older woman came up to me and thanked me for keeping my kids under control, and then she walked over to the other woman and told her that she should take a lesson from me and keep her kid under control.
I felt really bad for the woman with the upset child. I don't think it is anyone's place to make a comment like that to someone. I am sure the mom of the screaming kid was plenty embarrassed and really did not need it pointed out to them that her kid was a disruption.
Where do we draw the line on commenting on the way people parent their kids?
Dear Perturbed Parent,
It sounds like the old bag needs to mind her own business and not make an already difficult situation that much worse for a struggling parent. I think any parent knows that children are going to melt down from time to time and a parent can only try to do the best they can to diffuse the situation. The only time when a stranger needs to comment on another person's parenting skills is if it is a safety issue. I'll admit, I've told a child to sit down when they are standing in a cart in the middle of Target and the mom is two aisles over looking at clothes. That child could fall and crack their head and obviously no one else is paying attention to him. If it's a situation like a melt down or temper tantrum, I'm sure the parent is already frustrated and ready to flip out so just shut your mouth, put in some ear plugs, and suck it up.
With that being said, I think parents need to know when to draw the line in public situations. If your child is screaming for two hours straight, maybe you should have removed the child from the situation when you realized that there was no calming the child down. Sometimes a change of scenery or another distraction can help the child to calm down. If you can't make the child happy in the environment they are currently in, then you need to end the child's suffering and take them home. I think most people understand that sometimes a child just can't be comforted enough to behave, and they understand if you need to bail on an important event.
If I were that woman with the screaming child I would have told that lady, "Thanks for the advice. Next time my child has a meltdown, I'll find you in the crowd and let you handle it since you obviously know better than I do. Dumb ass!"
Lots of love,
Lindsey
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