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Question from Unsettled

Dear Lindsey,
I am a 36 year old, divorcee with three children ages, 14, 12, and 9.  I've been dating my boyfriend, "Harry" for a year and a half now.  I truly think he is my soul mate, if that exists.  He's everything I've been looking for and never found with my ex-husband.  Harry is 3, has never been married, and has no children.  He's expressed to me in passing that although he loves my children, he'd like to have at least one of his own some day.  I'm not sure I want to have any more children.  I've loved raising the three I have and enjoy getting to bond with them doing things children their ages enjoy.  The idea of sleepless nights, poopy diapers, and breast feeding frankly make me somewhat nauseous to think about.  I love Harry and want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I don't know if I'm willing to give him a child just to keep him in my life.  I also don't think it's very fair of me to ask him to spend the rest of his life with a woman who isn't willing to give him what he wants.  What do I do?

Dear Unsettled,
You are in quite the pickle!  I'm not going to lie, I'm not sure if I have a good answer for you.  It sounds like you and Harry have never really sat down and discussed the baby issue.  Your best bet is to sit down with him and have a heart-to-heart discussion about what you both really want and try to come to some compromise.  It may be that he just mentioned it to see what your reaction would be.  It's possible he would like to have kids, but he's willing to pass on the opportunity just to be with you.  On the other hand, it may be a deal breaker for him.  You won't know until you two hash out the situation. 
You also need to do some soul searching of your own.  Would having another child really be the worse thing in the world, especially if the baby was part you and part of your "soul mate"?  If you really love this man and want to spend the rest of your life with him, you may want to reconsider your stance on having a baby.  The thought of sleepless nights and poopy diapers may be nauseating now, but that phase doesn't last that long in the grand scheme of things.  What you're left with is a beautiful child that has come from both of you. 
If you decide you absolutely are done having children, then you need to make that clear to Harry and let him decide whether he wants to be with you or not.  Please, please, please do not have a baby just to keep your man.  That is something immature girls do, not grown women.  I'm not sure of your mental status (hopefully it's a positive one), but you never know when feelings of resentment and regret may creep into your head after the baby is here.  This could cause friction between you and Harry in the long run, which could lead to your second divorce.  This also leaves you with a child you didn't want in the first place.
Follow your head on this one, because your heart is going to lead to irrational decisions!  Good luck!
Lots of love,

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