I am 19 am about to start my Sophomore year of college. I met "Joe" at the beginning of Freshman year and we totally hit it off as friends. I quickly started to have more than friends feelings for Joe, but didn't want to ruin our friendship so I said nothing. Last semester we had a two classes together and spent a lot of time studying and hanging out. Somehow Joe found out I wanted to be more than friends towards the end of the semester. He confronted me about it and said he really enjoys spending time with me, but isn't physically attracted to me. He told me I am a beautiful girl who is really nice and fun, but he prefers the more "petite" type. So basically he told me I'm fat, but in a nice way. At that time I was 145 pounds at 5'1". I wouldn't call that huge, but definitely not skinny.
This past summer I've really put effort into losing weight. I'm about to start school weighing in at 115 pounds. My problem is that I still really like Joe, but I'm afraid that maybe the weight loss isn't enough or I won't be able to keep it up. I've spent most of my time this summer in the gym working out and focusing on what I eat. When I get back to school I will have a lot less time to keep myself looking good. If dating Joe is conditional on my appearance, I'm worried I might not be able to keep the weight off and still keep up with school. Anything tips on how I can manage both?
- Formerly Thick
Dear Formerly Thick,
Congratulations on your weight loss. That is such a big accomplishment. It saddens me that you felt you needed to lose weight for a man and not for yourself. Weight loss should be about getting healthy to lead a more healthy lifestyle, not about snagging a man. I know you like Joe, but he sounds like kind of a douche bag. If a guy really likes you, he won't care how much you weigh.
As for managing Joe and your weight, you don't even know if Joe wants to date you yet. It could be that there's something else he doesn't like about you and he was using weight as an excuse. If he does want to date you now that you're skinny, his love is obviously conditional. You're going to have a hard time living up to Joe's standards and it will end up being a bad situation in the long run.
Here's what I would do if I were you. Go back to college with your hot self and flaunt the hell out of it. Go to every class wearing something that shows off your new phenomenal body and you'll have so many more guys to pick from than loser Joe. Focus on yourself and keeping yourself healthy instead of snagging a man.
Once you know you can manage your weight without having to work so hard at it, then look towards adding a love life into the mix. Good luck!
Lots of love,