Dear Tough Love Advice,
I've got this long time girlfriend. We were best friends for years. She went to med school and traveled while I got married and had a baby. Going to med school was a life long dream of hers but now she's feeling left behind because so many of her friends are married and some are having babies. I sense she is jealous of me despite her many, many adventures and doing so well in school. This jealousy, her super religiousness (which I have become disenchanted with) and the fact that I haven't laid eyes on her in two years has contributed to my feeling that we are no longer best friends and barely have anything in common anymore. I'm sure she feels this way too, but its a strained relationship. She's about to move back to Texas so she'll be closer, but I don't know how to handle the relationship anymore. Do you have any thoughts for me?
Stumped in San Angelo :)
The way I see it you have two options. One, try to reconnect with your friend and maybe have a girl's day together to see if you do have any friendship left, or two, just accept that your friendship isn't the same as it once was and both move on to bigger and better things. Personally, I vote for the second.
If you already know your relationship is strained, you lack things in common, and her religiousness gets on your nerves, then why make an awkward situation that much worse? It sounds like you've both already found your paths in life and they don't seem to coincide with each other, so why force it? There's no rule that says you have to be friends with someone, and life is too short to waste a few hours hanging out with someone you aren't fond of. Some friends are like sports cars, they're fun to have for a while, but eventually you have to get rid of them because they don't fit your lifestyle anymore.
The other thing that jumps out at me is the fact that you think she may be jealous of you. No one wants to hang out with someone who has the green-eyed monster for them. Those types of friendships result in each friend trying to one up the other and then you just get annoyed with each other and the friendship ends anyway.
I can't believe she feels left behind because she went to med school and traveled. I feel so bad for her that it's brought me to tears. Wait, no that was just my contacts drying out. She's probably seen so many cool things and has an awesome job. I wish I had been left behind! She needs to suck it up!
Here's a compromise. Be friends with her on Facebook and only chat with her when necessary. That way you can say you're still friends with her but you don't really have to be "friends" with her. Maybe comment on a photo or a status update once in a while just to remain "friends" but if she actually wants to hang out make up an excuse as to why you can't get together. You could totally use your baby to make up reasons why you can't get together. Eventually she'll stop bugging you and you can just be Facebook friends who never talk. This works great, and really isn't this why Facebook was invented?
To any of MY Facebook friends that may be reading this, I'm not just Facebook "friends" with you and I would never make up excuses to not hang out.
Lots of love,